after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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