you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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