so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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