I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize