I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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