He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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