Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

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  (817): is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign. http://tfl.nu/8cf5
  Replies (51) Good night (2283) Bad night (993)
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  (760): View more from California

  my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...

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  (760): my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg... http://tfl.nu/gr75
  Replies (33) Good night (7863) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
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  (786): View more from Florida

  my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao

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  (786): my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao http://tfl.nu/rabe
  Replies (38) Good night (1325) Bad night (6972) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.

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  (506): I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why. http://tfl.nu/rcz3
  Replies (18) Good night (4833) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.

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  (573): I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/5d16
  Replies (31) Good night (1056) Bad night (3746) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.

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  (570): Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today. http://tfl.nu/c736
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (3128) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".

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  (281): All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems". http://tfl.nu/zcya
  Replies (11) Good night (3641) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

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  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (11479) Bad night (1044)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  he fucked my hip out of place.

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  (615): he fucked my hip out of place. http://tfl.nu/0lgh
  Replies (11) Good night (5115) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.

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  (651): okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are. http://tfl.nu/937u
  Replies (9) Good night (5058) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u

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  (401): Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u http://tfl.nu/jall
  Replies (21) Good night (4065) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.

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  (210): A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day. http://tfl.nu/06c7
  Replies (5) Good night (2625) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.

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  (414): Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things. http://tfl.nu/uvud
  Replies (4) Good night (3086) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.

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  (313): Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye. http://tfl.nu/jiz3
  Replies (4) Good night (634) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.

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  (517): I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard. http://tfl.nu/4gv4
  Replies (1) Good night (855) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt

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