he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize