I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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