I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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