Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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