Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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