just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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