Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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