margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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