Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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