never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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