just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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