You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize