Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize