Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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