Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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