You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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