That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize