every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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