clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize