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Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
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