Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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