The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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