I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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