I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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