She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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