You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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