best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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