just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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