I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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