You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize