just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
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He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
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I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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