I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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