I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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