We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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