If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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