R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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