My first STD was from a foam party
North Korea, Best Korea!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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