I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize