Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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