don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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