So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize