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Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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