I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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